Another fitful night last night.

I am speaking at a conference on Monday - the first time I'll be doing this. Initially, I had been told there would be about 30 people in my three hour session. As of today, we're up to 120.

Last night, my dreams were full of ridiculous things - having our room moved into part of a cafeteria and trying to speak over and control the situation in there. Leaving the building for some reason and then being late and unable to find where I was to go.

I'd wake up in between and think, "Are you kidding me? I'm seriously dreaming about this stuff?"

I know it will be fine. I am planning to spend a good portion of my day tomorrow and Sunday preparing for the session. I know that, logically, I will be nervous but I will get through it. I keep trying to convince myself that this is not unlike when we get up for our Workcamp Sunday at church and I talk about the trip and interview the kids and adults who went.

In reality, I know it is different. There is an opportunity here for questions to be asked and answers to not be easily found in the recesses of my mind...but to there goes all the prep time.

There are other stressors put upon me right now too which I'm sure are contributing to my just feeling bone tired. I wish I could figure out how best to healthily cope in times like this. Mostly, I end up feeling frustrated and ready to cry at the drop of a hat (or a comment). One thing I do more in times like this is read - hence the Spring Reading Thing. I started my Max Lucado book last night (and literally cried through the first chapter because it completely hit home) and today went to the bookstore for the first Becky Miller book, then on to the library for The Other Boleyn Girl.

Interestingly, that was a rental. The sign said "1.50 per week" so I rolled up the desk with my card in hand and $3. First, the woman at the desk told me my card was expired. What? I said three times, "I didn't know library cards expired" before she said, "Oh, well, it's just a mechanism to check your address and phone number so we can follow up on fines and overdues." It really isn't EXPIRED then, is it? Oddness. Anyway, she now renewed me through 2010 but said I could not rent the book for two weeks. I can rent for one, bring it back next Wednesday, and re-rent it.

Where is the sense in that?

Plus, their sign should say there is a one week limit on rentals.

But enough about that. I have books, I will read. I am currently Tivo-ing Grey's Anatomy, though I truly believe they jumped the shark with Meredith's drowning. And don't EVEN talk to me about the George and Izzie thing.

I also have two new movies from Netflix that will occupy my whirling mind - The Holiday (love Jack Black!) and Stranger Than Fiction. I hope the previews were a good indication on these movies - I certainly didn't feel that way about Click.

Well, for some reason, Norman is wandering about wailing this evening. Not sure what his trouble is, but I guess I should find out!