Tuesday, June 20, 2006
First, let me report that today I walked 9232 steps during my 12 1/2 hour day. I know I walked more than that yesterday. Anyway, I just googled it and learned that 2000 average steps equals one mile. So I walked over 4 miles today. Not bad for a gal who never does any exercise. By the time we are finished, maybe I will be on the road to better shape...?
I am feeling very blue tonight. It just feels like nothing is working out for me lately - the teaching thing first and now the househunt. I had gotten some quotes from an online lendor service that led me to believe I could actually afford a house. I've been looking and found the development in which I want to live based on everything I've seen. In the meantime, my realtor put me in touch with a local lendor who has given me very different numbers...and basically has put buying anything of any value (to me, this is in terms of a good location and good condition so I won't have any work to do immediately upon moving in) completely out of my reach.
I am just feeling very discouraged in many areas of my life right now. I know it doesn't help that I am terribly exhausted - that is never a good contributing factor for me and usually just ends with me in tears. I just want things to be different... and I don't understand why they are not. It goes back to the scripture I quoted here when I told you all that the teaching thing was not going to be a possiblity for me..."hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life". My heart is sick right now...I know that God laughs at our plans and his plans & thoughts are not our own. His timing isn't either. And maybe he has something great in store. But I'm feeling a little lost and alone out here at the moment when I keep finding my dreams unable to be fulfilled. : (