Before I go any further, I need to share with you the book of which I speak...Margin by Richard Swenson, MD. I'm waiting for a couple other books on the topic by him as well...check out Amazon.com for his other titles if you are interested.

This week, I decide the thing I could most easily control and that would probably make the largest impact would be to focus on the physical energy. The extra sleep and rest last weekend made such a difference to me. I knew I was working at a deficit but I didn't know how much of one!

The focus on the book on physical energy isn't rocket science. But the author urges you to take personal responsibility for your health and to start making real changes in your habits. This is an area in which I have always struggled...partially do to my physical limitations and partially, really, due to laziness, I suppose. But it's also the area I felt most ready to take responsibility for and to take action towards changing.

So, this week, I worked on:

Changing my diet. Eating smaller meals throughout the day. More healthy meals, infused with fruit and vegetables (gasp!). Cutting down on sugars and drinking more water.

Exercising. Although I didn't have time for much this week, I did go for a walk one night and took a Tai Chi class. Both were really hard for me physically but I know that if I keep trying, things will get easier.

Sleep. I'm trying to get into a better routine of going to bed at a reasonable time (which, in reality, I've been working on for a few months, not just this week) but also getting up earlier so that I am not feeling stressed and rushed immediately after getting out of bed.

Not every day was a good day. I didn't achieve my new goals all week. I ate well all day one day but felt overwhelmed by stress at work and went out for a milkshake. But, shockingly, the world didn't end. And I just tried again.

I think that's a big part of it. It's so easy to catastrophize things and feel like you can't succeed just because you aren't perfect. Well, no one can be perfect - that's for sure! And I think sometimes you just have to keep on keeping on. I'm really beginning to believe that that is how real change happens - not the idea of willpower but instead as an exercise of faith & diligence.

More to come...

Apparently, I caused quite a stir with my post about change being in the offing. Besides my inherent busyness this week, I think I was also somewhat afraid to post and tell you all about the things I want/am trying to change because once I write them down, (a) you may find them quite boring and not worth the excitement & hype or (b) you might hold me to them...and what if I fail? But, then, sometimes there is success in just the trying.

Last weekend was excellent. I felt well-rested, content and at ease with myself and my surroundings. I felt encouraged and ready to institute some changes that could positively effect my life. Usually, my ideas come in a flurry and I feel like I have to do and change everything at one time. This time, for whatever reason, was different. I felt, that although I have many things I want to change, that I needed to approach this differently - in steps, maybe even babysteps. And not beat myself up when what I want to change does not miraculous change and stay changed immediately.

I stayed up Sunday night and read a book about this elusive "margin" that a friend had loaned me. I thought it would be difficult to read but I actually got through it pretty quickly. I thought I understood margin and my lack of it - that it was time without anything booked or double or triple booked into it. But really, the author describes it as "the amount allowed beyond that which is needed". He also says that margin is the opposite of overload and breaks it down into three areas in addition to time: emotional energy, physical energy, and finances.

Honestly, all these things are out of kilter for me in one way or another. I'm sure that's true for many of us but I truly believe that some people are more prone to lack of margin than others for various reasons - one of which may be personality, another of not being able to say "no", yet another perhaps of finding that busyness does not allow for solitude that makes you ask yourself deeply personal questions and consider things in such a way that might make you upset or depressed...it's easier to be busy and just not think.

My weekend made me really think about these things and this pervasive discontent I have felt for some time now. I don't think I can pinpoint it's origin or any such thing and if you asked me flat out, I don't think I could tell exactly what I was discontent about. But I think it has something to do with the lack of margin...and so, my thoughts turn to change. To make things different, possibly to make things better. That would certainly be my hope!

And so I decided that this was the week...it was definitely time.

I know that y'all have been waiting to hear about the changes I mentioned...but you'll have to wait a little longer!  I have been absolutely swamped at work this week and have had significant commitments each evening...but I promise a real update sometime this weekend!

The big change, the big turnaround, the never looking back!

I'm not going to post all the details of my plan just yet. Some are already in the works while others are going to take some time. But change is the in offing.

...and I ain't referring to the movie. (Didn't like that movie, either. Not one bit.)

I took the day off yesterday to get some freelance work done in anticipation of going to visit friends overnight tonight. I slept in a little bit, got up and fed the starving felines and went back to bed until...gasp...11 AM. And proceeded to get so much done yesterday, it was astounding - and I don't only mean freelance work. I was like a powerhouse. I did laundry, I packed up books to give away, I moved things and organized things and just generally took care of things that had been languishing and driving my organized little mind insane every time I looked at them. My friend called and said that they had been down with the stomach flu all week and I quickly decided to pass on our visit. So today, much a repeat of yesterday...including the getting back in bed & sleeping until 11 thing. More freelance work, more cleaning & organizing. Amazing.

I know it all sounds simple and probably quite silly to some of you that I am so happy about all this but frankly, I can't remember the last time I felt well enough to do so much and not end up crashed out on the couch at midday. I really think my body is craving the extra sleep wildly. It's quite crazy, since I have been getting to bed by 10 or 11 each night and truthly don't extract my butt from the bed until nearly 7:30...and really that should be enough sleep for any normal soul. But apparently not for me. I feel like I am always working at a deficit in terms of sleep and so many other things.

A while back, some of the ladies and I were doing a discipleship study and came upon a section that talked of "margin" and the need to have it in your life. We are constantly on the go, running here, there & everywhere for this and that and who knows what, and all the while leaving nothing - no time, I suppose - up for grabs. It's bad. That's all I can say, having no margin is bad.

This weekend, I found a little bit of margin and little bit of my self. I realized that I have to start making some changes in my life right away. Some may be easy, while many will take more work on my part. I need to work on my life, my health, my spirit. 'Cuz something's gotta give...

I just got home from Good Friday service. It was excellent. Our church doesn't have a building and hence, we don't have Good Friday service. But this year and last, some friends and I have attend a service at another nearby church. I have to admit, albeit selfishly, that it is especially nice for me because I don't have any work to do or anything to be concerned about. I can just sit and enjoy the service. What a concept! And something sometimes all too unfamiliar.

Anyway, I took the afternoon off today. I had lunch with my peeps from my old job (good to see y'all - missed you, Tomas!), went shoe shopping and then treated myself to a manicure & a pedicure...sandal season, you know. But again I digress from my point...

While I was in the salon the owner's wife came in with her son, probably around 10 or 11. She said in English that he had asked her why they called it Good Friday when it was the day Jesus died on the cross. A flurry of questions and what I supposed were answers flew from the people working in the salon. Unfortunately, they spoke to him in another language, so I'm not sure what answer they gave. I would have been very interested to know. This was a question I asked as a kid, to a mom who wasn't a believer. I don't even remember what her answer was, truthfully. (The other reason for that was her father died suddenly, very young, on a Good Friday - so in the family, Good Friday always had a pall to it anyway).

I understand clearly the question. If you have seen The Passion of the Christ, you can even more understand it. And in the book of Isaiah, it is even worse, saying that Christ was beaten until he was unrecognizeable. He was tortured, scorned and mocked, and then hung on a cross to die a most terrible death. If you have ever heard anyone describe the physiologic effects of being hung on a cross - it is stunning. I believe it is one of the most horrid ways to die. And yet, we call that day Good Friday?

Yes. It was a day that had be prophesied for years and years. If you study the Bible (not just read it cover to cover like a book - you'll never get through Leviticus if you try it that way, trust me), you cannot help but be amazed about how all that was written came true through Jesus Christ. Even this - the horror of his death. Through his torture, his horrible death on the cross, he was made a sacrifice for us and for our sin. The pastor tonight made an analogy - it was like our sin was written down and God took some "Red Out" and covered up the words/sins and it turned white as snow over them. That doesn't sound as powerful as I write it and it's probably a little bit off but I hope that you are getting the point. Jesus's blood can wash away our sin. How amazing is that?

So in the horror, in the darkness, in all the distress he felt and those who loved him on earth felt...there was truly good.

Today was one of those days where you think you are being productive but really, things keep going wrong just when you think you're almost finished and you practically have to start all over. But I am going to put that all aside now and tell you about my little lovebug.



This is Norman.

Norman has obsessive compulsive disorder.

I am certain of it.

He scratches at closet doors incessantly until I open them.

He cries for hours at the basement door, each and every night. If I let him down there, he comes back up quickly. If I close the door, he cries again.

If you bring cardboard into the house, he has to scratch at it incessantly until you hide it away. I bought something tonight that came in a cardboard box and made the mistake of not taking it out to the trash immediately. He scratched at it for probably a half hour (furiously scratching - I'm sure the neighbor could hear him, that's what a ruckus he was making!) I finally hid it in the closet until I can take it out for trash.

If he is hungry, and you choose to ignore him because (A) it is three o'clock in the morning or (B) you've already fed him, he will howl and run and pounce on you with all the force his ten little pounds can muster.

Oh, I knew he had issues from the moment I brought his cute furry butt home. Being my third kitty, I totally disregarded all the "guidelines" about how to introduce them, etc. He stuck close to me and literally growled at Ramona & Nellie any time either would try to come near. To this day, he rules the roost - even though they are both larger than him (and Ramona could take him in a second!)

But I love him. He is my sweet baby boy. I mean, who couldn't love that funny face?

I had to travel for work this weekend and I forgot to pack the darn ruby slippers. And boy, did I need them. I was attending a workshop outside of DC. I love DC and decided to drive down instead of taking the train and got on the road late yesterday afternoon. It was a beautiful day and the drive really wasn't bad...until I got to the neighborhood where my hotel/motel/whatever was. As soon as I got close, I knew it was a terrible neighborhood. I was literally praying that mapquest was wrong and that it wasn't there. But nope, it was indeed. I got all my stuff out of the car and went to check in. The first "automatic" door opened for me, the second...not so much. I had to literally force it open...in hindsight, there was probably a reason for that...

I checked in and got my keys and asked how to get to my room. The guy at the desk told me to go outside and up the stairs, around to the back of the building. I hadn't realized that this wasn't the kind of "lodging" where you could access your room from INSIDE the building...no, it certainly wasn't. I went up to the room, lugging all my stuff, and got inside. Problems with the lights and scariness aside, it was ok inside. Until I realized that the door looked like it had been kicked in at some point. It closed at the top but there was about a 1/2 opening at the bottom. This completely freaked me out for a million reasons but it was getting dark and I wanted to see where my meeting was and get something to eat.

I had had a whole plan to come down, check out the location, go find a nice restaurant and eat dinner and read my book club book. No such luck. I drove through the horrible neighborhoods (calling Michelle so I'd have a "witness" if I got carjacked - SERIOUSLY, it was that bad) and couldn't find the building for my meeting. It was getting dark and I didn't want to be hanging around anywhere alone in the dark so I headed back towards the hotel. There was nowhere nice to eat so I ended up getting Taco Bell and eating it in the room.

I was still freaked out about the room and the door situation. Even though it had a deadbolt and a chain, plus the regular lock, I was in no way at ease. I won't go into all the details but suffice it to say I rigged up something (not quite MacGyver style but pretty creative, I'd say) in front of the door to at least give me some peace. I did the same with the door to the adjoining room, even though it appeared kind of locked on my side. And slept with all the lights on...I guess if you can call what I did sleeping. I probably got about three hours, if that.

Now, thankfully I am home and ready to sleep in my own bed! YAY! Hip hip hooray!!!

Note to self: when an organization RECOMMENDS hotels, take the recommendations - don't choose a hotel simply because it is "nearby" and cheap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh.

I'd like to introduce you to someone who is an inspiration to me. You may read his blog but some of you may not...if not, please visit Ruben.

Ruben happened upon this blog when I first started it and commented; I went over to his blog to check him out and was totally floored by his story. He faces so many struggles each day, yet finds the beauty and the good in some many people and things in his life. Even when he is in pain and feeling low, he tries to turn his focus away from those things and to find the positive somewhere. His post today about his children and his daughter thanking him for trying to be a good daddy brought tears to my eyes.

It is amazing to me that something as simple as a blog can bring people all over the world together. I am thankful that Ruben found mine and that I am able to share in his story & his life, always reminding me that each day really does count.

Ruben & Meg are getting married very soon. I know from what he has written that Meg is his everything - his love, his strength. I pray that their wedding will be beautiful and magical, all that it should be for such special people. And I pray that Ruben will be granted the gift of health that day and that he will feel no pain and no fatigue and that he and his love will enjoy every minute of their special day.

I found this quote on a Christian writers' blog I read.  It's from Calvin Coolidge and I thought it was inspiring:

 

Press on: nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

 

I've had a lot of my mind lately - in fact, sometimes I feel like my thoughts are simply spinning out of control.  But reading this reminded me not to just give up some of the things I was considering giving up just because they've become difficult and sometimes unmanageable.  It is a time to press on and persevere, rather than walk away.

A friend sent this to me in an email today and I wanted to share it with all of you.


Prayer Request

I understand the weather in Iraq is very difficult to bear right now. Our troops need our prayers for strength, endurance and safety.

I am sorry but I am not breaking this one. Send this on after a short prayer; please don't break it:

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them as they protect us.
Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need.
I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
Amen."

When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world.

There's nothing attached; just send this to all in your address book. Do not let it stop with you, please - of all the gifts you could give a US Soldier, Sailor, Airman, or Marine deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best!!!

Thank you.

Sometimes, a change of scenery does a soul good.

Last night, I went down to a church in West Grove called Church in the Vineyard to check out their family worship program. Families get together the first Saturday of each month to sing songs and learn a virtue through drama & fun. It was really cool! I had seen a similar program at a church nearby last January and really liked the concept of it. So often, it is easy to always separate families into groups at church & church events - children go here, babies go here, teens go here...etc. but this programming is designed for the family to be together and have fun.

It was definitely nice too to just sit back and observe without feeling like I had to be overseeing or doing something. I don't get to experience too many times like that in my church, especially on a Sunday. We don't have a building so there is a lot involved in setup and takedown each week, especially in terms of children's ministry. And somehow, we always seem to be shorthanded. When I took over this ministry a while back, God gave me a vision of what it could be. I spent a lot time working with my very AWESOME team in the beginning to just keep it going, then maintaining the momentum - throwing in some new things here and there. With all the changes about to occur with our pastor leaving, I feel like now is the time to leap. That probably sounds strange; many people would probably rather just keep maintaining things as they are and just "get through this" but I feel like this is the right time. As a team and as a church, we need to kick up the momentum and keep forging ahead...and that's what I intend to do.

Last night was my first hockey game. We got stuck in a ridiculous amount of traffic, so by the time we got in and got settled, I had pretty much missed the first period. I had basically no idea what to expect and know very little about hockey (except that they need to get the puck in the goal)but it was really a lot of fun. The Phantoms won, which made it even better.

It was Faith & Family Night so there was a Christian concert afterwards with Sanctus Real. They were really good but the acoustics weren't so hot - what with them playing on the back of a flat-bed truck on an ice rink.... We were all exhausted and ending up heading home before they finished.

Now today will be a day to try to get things done around here but I've put off all week. I wish I had the time to keep up during the week but I just don't. It would be so much nicer to not have to spend my days "off" working so hard.

Tomorrow leads me to a sad event...my friend, Andy's mom passed away this week after a long battle with kidney cancer. Her viewing is tomorrow night. I believe I only met her in person one time but Andy always had a such deep and abiding respect and love for his mom. It was evident every time he spoke of her. It breaks my heart that he and the rest of his family have to go through this. If you are of the praying persuasion, please say a prayer for them this week.